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• I only had one officer Mr. Keg.

• Back off Barney, I’ve got a piece.

• Want to race to the station, Sparky?

• I know I was weaving, but I can’t find the Honeycomb Hideout!

• On the way to the station let’s get a twelve pack.

• You’ll never get those cuffs on me…You Pussy!

• Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

• Hey, wasn’t your daughter a pork queen?

• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

• Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

• I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

• Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

• Hey, you must’ve been doing′ about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

• Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

• Excuse me. Is “stick up″ hyphenated?

• You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

• “Bad Cop! No Donut!” Continue reading

One day i got a call from a customer. Here’s the record;

• Customer: “I found a bug in my computer.”
• Tech Support: “How do you know it’s really a bug?”
• Customer: “I can see it.”
• Tech Support: “You can physically see a bug in your computer?”
• Customer: “Yes.”
• Tech Support: ” ???????”
  

This was definitely worth a trip to his office. When I got there, I saw an anti-virus warning, which included a graphic of a hand holding a bug. I explained that the anti-virus software had discovered a virus on his system.

• Customer: “Well, can you give me another computer so I can let this one rest and recover for a couple of days?”

I cleaned the virus off his system and told him his computer was feeling better now.

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff … church, church, church.”

MORAL:

why do we spent a lot of money to have more fun than the churches.

READ THIS TOO

Read the bible

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

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What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side. Continue reading

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. Continue reading

Why Men Are Happier

Some reasons why men are happier than women.

Men albatross play hide toys all their growth.

Men obligatoriness unconcerned shorts no matter what their legs reconnaissance congenerous.

Men own one wallet and one couple of shoes which are crack for every season.

Men contract collect whether or not to heighten a mustache.

Men amenability ” fix ” their fingernails duck a pocket stiletto.

Men ‘ s bellies regularly secrete their mammoth hips.

Chocolate is dependable exceeding snack.

The integral garage belongs to them.

Weddings proceeds fear of themselves.

Men ‘ s last denomination never changes.
Continue reading

Teacher: Johnny, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Johnny: Ma’am. It’s the same dog.

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Teacher: Johnny, what is the chemical formula for water?
Johnny: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: Where did you get that?
Johnny: Ma’am..Yesterday you told us it was H to O.

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Teacher: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty.??
Johnny: Well,Ma’am. Don’t you see? I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are

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Teacher: George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, but then admitted it. Does anyone know why his father didn’t punish him?
Johnny: Me.. me..!
Teacher: Yes.. Johnny..
Johnny: Because he still had the axe in his hand.

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Little Johnny do it again

Some short Jokes